Welcome to the Minority Report Prophets, where our team of experts use advanced neural networks to predict the future for anyone who's not already cool.
We're talking about the kind of people who are always late to the party, who still use dial-up internet, and who think the latest memes are from 2007.
We'll give you the inside scoop on who's going to get fired, who's going to get dumped, and who's going to get a participation trophy at the local community college.
So, what's your future looking like? Want to know if you'll ever master the art of folding a fitted sheet? Click here to find out.
Or, if you're feeling particularly curious, you can try our Prophetic Psychic Reading feature. But don't worry, our team of highly trained psychic mediums will only charge you an arm and a leg for their services (just kidding, they're actually free, but only for the first five minutes of the reading).
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